I lost a friend today.

That’s not true, I didn’t lose her. Cancer took her away. Barb was diagnosed about 4 years ago with the breast cancer that took her life. I wish you could have met her. She was seven different kinds of awesome wrapped up in a layer of kick-ass. She was loving, determined, smart, stubborn, devoted, courageous, and optimistic (and a whole lot more). The kick-ass? She was a fourth degree black belt in Taekwon-Do!

We met in Lamaze class and it was one of those times when two couples just kind of “click”. We had a blast in class! Sometimes too much of a blast. We were occasionally told to pipe down with our class clowning ways. The laughter floating out of our corner table was making it a bit tough for the rest of the group to hear. *pretending-to-be-rueful-look*

We birthed our babies within 4 days of one another. Barb was a bit worried that Echo would jump the gun and beat K-Man given my struggle with pre-term labor but I convinced Echo she needed to let the guy who was due first come first. It was touch-and-go but we got to visit Barb in the hospital just before heading there ourselves for the hard work of birthing our own baby.

Barb was my first breastfeeding compatriot. She was one of the first women I actually saw breastfeeding. We nursed together. We compared notes. We shared tips and I watched her as she balanced working full-time with pumping to make sure that K-Man got breastmilk even when she wasn’t with him. She was the second woman I knew to breastfeed for a full year and she taught me a lot as she hung up the horns at work and then weaned her little guy.

We’ve lived in different cities for many years now. Each of us had another little girl and both little girls were again breastfed.

When Barb decided to stop treatment I called to see if a visit would be possible. At the beginning of May I was able to go back and watch Barb and her partner Mo renew their vows and legally marry one another after being married +13 years. You know how sometimes you look at two people as they look at one another and their love shines so bright and clear that it’s almost painful to see? That was Barb and Mo. Their love was so *there* you could almost touch it. It was in their hands and their voices and their lips as they smiled but mostly it was in their eyes as they looked at one another.

I lost my friend today. Mo lost the love of her life. K-Man and Miss M. lost their mom. Barb and Mo’s family lost a sister and an aunt and a cousin and a niece.

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She was wonderful and she will be missed.

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Susan G. Komen for the Cure was Barb’s Breast Cancer charity of choice. If you are looking for an organization for your charitable contributions I encourage you to give this organization consideration.

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Hey Kathy,

So I started a blog. Of course it’s about breastfeeding! I wanted to find another outlet for some of these lactivist tendencies of mine. You’ve trained me well and I’m keeping my more ostreperous opinions out of the support communities – as it should be.

I was going through some of the old iVillage threads from back in first days of my posting at the Breastfeeding/Lactation Consultant – Ask the LC board. I’m trying to pull together several posts that explain how I came to breastfeeding and the issues I had surrounding my surgery when The Pipsqueak was first hatched.

As I was reading those threads I noticed something. No, it wasn’t how awesome you all were (I’ve known that for over 7 years now), though you did rock the information. It was that I never properly thanked you for all the time you invested in getting me the information that ultimately empowered me to push back on my healthcare providers and bring a wonderful hospital-based IBCLC onboard to help me manage my surgery in real life.

I thanked Paula.

I thanked Kelly.

I kept waiting for the post where I thanked you. “It’ll be the next one. OK, not that one. It’ll be the next one, the next one, then next one”, and then I was done. No more posts.

Holy CRAP!!

I never thanked you properly Kathy. I simply never thanked you and you were just as instrumental as any of the people involved in giving me the tools to stand up, have my voice heard. Because of each of you my baby received only a small amount of expressed breastmilk while I was in surgery and my supply issues weren’t exacerbated by a recommendation to pump a days worth of breastmilk ahead of time so I could pump and dump for 24 hours after surgery. I thanked everyone, except you.

I know how difficult it is to see someone else receiving thanks that should also be directed your way. I am so disappointed in myself that I did that to you.

So here I am, 7 years later late. Sending you the thanks that you so very much deserve and saying that I bless my lucky stars that when I went online I came to a community in which you were a leader. It is because of you that I nursed my second baby until she weaned herself just after her fifth birthday. It is because of you that I became such a lactivist.

Thank You from the bottom of my heart.

I am forever indebted to you.