Comments on: They should feel guilty for not breastfeeding!

By: Ordanik

Ordanik — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 13:09:32 +0000

Though you get frustrated at the women who ‘don’t even try’, is it really anyone’s place to feel anything at ‘these women’?! Each woman has a choice to feed her child in any way she sees fit. I feel like part of the judgement that formula feeding Mums cop is that it is wrong. Whether she chooses to FF, regardless of having a ‘justified’ reason or not, it’s still her choice. We need to stop worrying about what other mothers are doing and just worry about our own affairs. I am glad that you were able to overcome the obstacles of BF though, it must feel like a great achievement =)

By: Breastfeeding Weekly Wrap-up: April 24-May 2, 2010 | Best for Babes

Breastfeeding Weekly Wrap-up: April 24-May 2, 2010 | Best for Babes — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 05:33:59 +0000

[...] blog post by Carol at Lactivist Leanings this week underscores the Best for Babes Credo of supporting ALL [...]

By: Maria

Maria — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 10:10:24 +0000

Thank you so much for posting this! I have felt guilty for not being able to breastfeed my little one by everyone at the hospital and by family! I wish I was able to breastfeed, I had planned to since knowing I was pregnant, but with no breastfeeding classes or support, I also gave birth in a very old fashioned way of thinking where my baby was not with me at all, whether this impacted her lack of latching on I have no idea. Hopefully if we have another baby, things will be different.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 07:57:06 +0000

I just came across this article while visiting the Best for Babes site. Thank You! My son is 4 months old now and I’m almost exclusively breastfeeding. It was a struggle to get to where we are now. After a lot of hard work and patience, I’ve managed to decrease my reliance on formula. During this process I found out how self-righteous some breastfeeding mom’s can be. So many take their ability to breastfeed for granted. This was never more clear than during the recent Similac recall. A Facebook discussion among a group of “friends” included immediate comments such as “that’s why breast is best” and “breast milk never gets recalled.” Such comments are extremely judgmental and make unfair assumptions about women who find themselves in a situation where they are forced to rely on formula.

It’s unfortunate that you have to address such nonsense, but just the same, I’m glad you have. Hopefully, these women will rethink their stance and become more positive ans supportive. Hopefully, they’ll appreciate their ability to BF and be grateful that it comes so easily for them.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 07:27:01 +0000

Thanks for this wonderful post. I breast fed my son from birth through his first birthday, but it was a very rough start… he had trouble breathing at birth that led to real difficulty latching on. I worked with a wonderful lactation consultant but for the first few weeks the only way that I could enough milk in him was to try breast feeding/getting him to latch on (unsuccessfully most often) so I would pump and use a bottle make sure he ate properly. He didn’t start gaining weight for a couple of weeks and my pediatrician was only one more visit away from telling me I HAD to switch to formula, that maybe I had “skim milk.” If it wasn’t for incredible support from my lactation consultant, my mother, and my husband, I might not have made through the first 3 weeks. And when I was full time at work/school again if I hadn’t been given the keys to an empty and private room to pump in, I wouldn’t have made it past 5 months. And at 11 months he had to start getting a little formula at daycare because my supply decreased after a bad sinus infection.

I guess this is a long way of saying that even though I think that breast feeding is ideal, and that I loved it once it worked well for me, I will never judge a woman for not doing it. And some of my closest friends had to stop early… one at 1 month for breast abscess that put her in the hospital for a week and another with twins who stopped at 3 months because she had such difficulties with her milk supply that she literally was either nursing or pumping 23 hours a day and couldn’t get enough. Because of them I will never look down on a woman feeding her baby formula, but I hope I would have been wise enough to feel the same way anyway.

I also want to thank anyone who is a kind advocate for breast feeding. My lactation consultant was amazing and every friend and family member who encouraged me to keep up the breast feeding in a gentle way made a real difference.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 06:12:14 +0000

When my son was 5 weeks old i noticed a red spot in his urine diaper. After having to catheter him for a urine sample and get ultra sounds of his kidneys and liver which came out negative, the doc came to the conclusion that he was dehydrated. I guess the many consultations with Le Leche and Lactation Consultants never brought up my milk supply. I did everything they told me to do. I pumped all hours of the day and night, took herbs, dranks lots of water, ate well and prayed hard! I so deeply wanted to breastfeed my son. It was all so heartbreaking and emotional. I felt like a failure. So, thank you so much for writing this article because many times I get upset with the constant notions that breastfeeding is the greatest thing ever. I get this. It is great for my baby. However, I can’t give him the milk that is the best for him. I don’t have a choice. We need more support for people like me who have felt like failures. We need people to tell us that our kids will be okay. Thanks again.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 18:25:22 +0000

While all of your statements are true about breastfeeding, and I agree that it is the best for your baby, it still does not give someone the right to sit there and say that they should feel guilty. You don’t know the specifics as to why a person is FF their infant. So therefore I don’t think anyone has the right to really say anything unless you walked a mile in every womans shoes. Yes, it is their technical business, that’s what they do for a living but I was just trying to say that I felt like some people can take it too far.

By: Mrs. P.

Mrs. P. — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 12:48:09 +0000

I can’t begin to thank you enough for including sexual assault survivors in your post! As a survivor of long term childhood incest, I can say that those of you who have not had your body and very spirit violated can’t fathom what we go through when we become mothers. DS1 was FF from the get go. No one thought twice of it. DS2 I attempted to BF, not knowing just how bad it would be. I cried each time he latched on. I felt actual physical repulsion, and wanted to throw him across the room. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was assaulting him by shoving my boob in his mouth, which wasn’t helped at all by my MIL shouting that BF was disgusting and perverted.
I am actually grateful for my experience with BF. It was the catalyst that put me in intensive therapy for nearly 5 years. Now I am 6 months along with our 3rd child and so plan to at least try to BF. I am more prepared this time, but if like last time I am too freaked out, I’ll still know I gave it my best shot.
Thank you for trying to make people aware of the impact their words have.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 20:49:17 +0000

Thank you so much for writing this! I am a new mom who fully intended to breastfeed, but yet find my baby on formula. I understand the benefits of breastmilk and wanted those benefits for my daughter. I took a breastfeeding class prior to her birth and read everything I could get my hands on.

Then she was born 5 weeks early and it was 7 days before I saw the first drop of milk. When my milk finally came, my supply was horrendously low. Due to my daughter spending time in the NICU, I was forced to pump a good amount of the time and then use pre/post weights when I tried to feed her on the breast. I made anywhere from 10 mL (total for both breasts) to 1 ounce (total for both breasts). My daughter is now 6 weeks old and I’m still yet to produce more than 1 ounce at a time. I took supplements and saw lactation consultants and tried everything that was suggested to me. No matter how determined I’ve been, I’ve had to finally accept that this is all the milk I will make. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pumped for 15-20 minutes and then combined both containers to see the 10-15 mL I produced total. It’s disheartening.

Every time I hear comments about how horrible formula feeding moms are, it hits me in the gut and makes me feel guilty all over again. I don’t feel guilty because I think I made bad decisions for my daughter. I feel guilty because I feel like it somehow must be my fault that I was not able to produce enough milk for her. I feel like I must have messed up with something in my diet or something I’m not doing…yet I know that’s not true because I read things from people who never intended to breastfeed who still got a full supply of milk and had to actively do things to get it to dry up. My milk just never came.

I wish that those who criticize and judge would realize that their comments hurt people like myself who would do anything to be able to exclusively breastfeed. We already feel bad enough because of all the information saying that breast milk is best. By judging some one like me, it just rubs salt in the wound.

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 09:28:23 +0000

Thank you…My little boy (who’s now 14 mths) lost 21% of his birthweight after my milk didn’t come in. After a lot of hard work we managed to breastfeed for eight months, but did always have to top up with formula as I just couldn’t make enough for him. I can’t even count the number of times I felt guilty and useless for not being able to do the most natural thing for my baby.

The people who make comments about being horrified that anyone would ever give their baby formula obviously haven’t had to choose between a formula fed baby & one who is, literally, starving to death. I had to watch them put formula into my little guy down a naso-gastric tube. That’s not something I would wish on anybody.

I really appreciate you writing this – I’m a huge advocate for breastfeeding, and will work my backside off to do it more successfully next time – but would never, ever judge anyone for doing what they have to do.

Thank you