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Breastfeeding Mom = Cow
It’s pretty difficult for me to find the compliment when a breastfeeding mom is compared to an animal that is mostly invoked to tell people they are stupid, fat, slow, smelly, ugly or lazy. Sure, everyone loves some milk, a little cheese, that great ice cream or their frappuccino-cappuccino-lattes but the cow itself? Eh – not so much unless it’s steak-shaped, a choice for a seat covering or being deployed as part of a put-down*.
I’ve seen moms call themselves Holsteins, Gurnseys, Milk cows, Dairy cows and milk(ing) machines. The comparison is sometimes meant to be positive. This would be my sister-in-law who was sharing how proud she was of the volumes she was able to pump for the preemie babies at the local hospital before coming straight home to nurse her son. It would also be my sister who was proud of her ability to stay ahead of her son’s (and then daughter’s) needs while she was at work.
Sometimes when moms make the comparison it’s not so positive. Maybe she’s feeling bad about herself, maybe pumping has begun to feel like a chore, maybe someone has been unsupportive of her efforts to work and pump and she gives voice to her troubled thoughts with the comparison. Sometimes it’s being said by a mom about herself with all the baggage I threw out above with a helping of “I’m not sexy anymore.” perched on top.
I could never get comfortable with being compared to a cow by anyone, not even myself. I was a high volume pumper with both girls due to rampant oversupply in the early days. I could fill an 8 oz Gerber bottle to the rim on the left side and then add a couple more ounces to the second bottle before the milk finally stopped flowing. That was just the left side. That pumping volume was great when taken alone but it wasn’t happening in isolation. I was leaking (I don’t like to be damp), my breasts were engorged (uncomfortable) and I experienced painful cramps at let-down. For me, the cow imagery was very negative and I didn’t appreciate the jokes made (at my expense) that compared me to Bossy the Milk Cow.
A friend said that she dislikes the comparison because it seems to normalize cow’s milk while exoticizing breastmilk. She’s leery of the dehumanization of breastfeeding moms that is part and parcel of comparing them to a domesticated farm animal. She said that for her it was surreal enough being hooked up to her pump without that comparison kicking it up a notch.
In addition, she thinks of cows being milked as a passive activity for the cow. The farmer lead the cows in, hooks the udders up to the milking machines and the cows simply stands there until the farmer removes the cow from the milking area. That stands in stark contrast to how she views a mother pumping breastmilk for her child. She said “Moms pumping is an active, thought out choice. They are taking control and it’s usually an uphill battle.”
Another friend shared with me that when she hears of moms making signs for pumping rooms at work with cows on them she cringes at the imagery. I have to admit, I was extremely happy when Mothering had their contest to come up with an International Breastfeeding Symbol that gave all moms an image for use that was a positive depiction of a mother and baby breastfeeding.
Talking to these friends made me realize that another issue I have is with the idea of our breasts being compared to a cow’s udder since that is never, ever, done as a compliment. Comparing a woman’s breasts to udders is a short-hand referendum on her sex appeal. Though that idea, after careful thought, is a post for another day ! So, onward to the wrap-up!
I didn’t realize how many layers there were (for me) regarding to this issue when I started percolating the idea for this post. It started with my negative gut reaction to an off-the-cuff “Wow! Is she a cow or what?” comment made regarding a working and pumping mom. I thought it’d generate a simple “I find the comparison kind of icky. Here’s my reason why.” post and it became a whole lot more.
What do you think? Is the comparison of breastfeeding moms to cows problematic for you too? Have you ever made the comparison? If so, have my feelings given you something to think about?
* Add the adjectives in the first paragraph to the word cow and you’ll recognize the put-downs immediately.
Since all of those statements are problematic for a multitude of reasons I’m going to request that we do our best to keep the comments on this post a safe space and not make comments that are policing other women and/or not aligned with a safe, fat-accepting, feminist/womanist, pro-mom, pro-baby vibe (even when talking about ourselves). Thanks!
{ 28 comments }
I make the comparison WITH REGARDS TO MYSELF all the time – in both positive and negative lights. The fact is that it’s a funny comparison and, well, look, I like a good laugh as much as the next person, so I have no problems whatsoever tossing that around if it’s going to garner a giggle or two.
But I refuse to use it when discussing someone else’s choice to breastfeed. I might make jokes about the nature of breastfeeding and there may be comparisons to cows or whatever (I can’t think of any right now, but never say never, right?), but I will never compare another woman directly to a cow or other animal unless she does so first. I just think it could potentially be insulting and I really don’t like confrontation lol.
So there’s my answer: yes and no.
Sarah – Do you make a distinction about when mom is making the comparison in a way she feels is positive and when it’s clearly meant to be a negative comparison? I wonder if a mom using the comparison is the only switch or if you also look at how the mom is using it and maybe adjust to that as well?
I tend not to say anything to someone who is talking about themselves and using the imagery to give themselves a pat on the back for a job well done. I do have to sit on my fingers/bite my tongue sometimes (depending on where I am and how I’m functioning) when I’d really like to share the baggage that can hitch a ride on someone’s comment or joke (since I don’t tend to see the humor there
). I very rarely address the issue head-on because I’m often in places where talking frankly about this would be counter-productive to a more important goal.
Right there with you – I hate the comparison, mostly because of the “dehumanizing breast milk, normalizing cow milk” aspect, but also because the general comparison with a cow is negative, as you stated. Thanks for the roundup! I’m sure I’ll be referring people to this post when the topic comes up.
Very well said, thank you! The use of that term has bothered me for years, since I think pumping moms deserve much more positive analogies for their hard work.
I have to admit, I’ve referred to myself in that way before. I remember one time that my mom walked in on me while pumping and the words out of her mouth were “You look like a milk cow!”. I laughingly told her I felt like one. Having pumped for 19 months at work (between two kids) really makes you feel like that’s all you’re good for. I am now expecting my third baby, and will pump at work again.
With my daughter, I really tried to not make that analogy. It just wasn’t comfortable after pumping for that long. I can’t say that I’ve ever corrected anyone for using it though.
I appreciate all of what you said–i’ve found myself making the comparison in a positive light, but will no longer do so. i don’t want anyone to think that the negative is close behind. Us breastfeeding women deserve so much more than that! Thank you all you breastfeeding moms for all your support!
I agree it’s not kind or helpful, although I know when people are saying it about themselves it’s not meant to be demeaning to other’s but it “does” make it easy for others to use it in a more derogatory form, just like other derogatory words. For ex, we can say, oh but I meant it in it’s real true meaning not derogatory etc…but when using it regularly it’s easy for people to get slack and start using the word in other ways, we can all list words that are used this way and we all wish we didn’t say them or that others didn’t say them as well…so I guess I’m just saying it’s probably one of those things we should just refrain from at all in regards to women in general esp in regards to nursing.
so what are your thoughts on the hathor the cow goddess cartoons? I think the comics and satire themselves are hilarious, but what about her use of hathor being a cow/woman?
http://www.thecowgoddess.com/
I agree that Heather Cushman-Dowdee uses Hathor to great impact in her comics.
Heather is historically accurate in her depiction of Hathor (the goddess was first worshiped in the form of a cow, then as a human with a cow’s head and then as a human complete with human head). I think that brings in a new strand to the discussion and makes the discussion much broader than the way I originally framed my thoughts.
Heather’s Hathor is clearly a thinking, active woman and is not a depiction of a lowest common denominator (our breasts and breastmilk) idea of females. She’s using Hathor to make women think, laugh and act and I think that is very powerful.
I think it would be very interesting to understand why Heather broke Hathor’s mask and has been creating comics for over a year with a completely human protagonist.
I’ve made the references in joking, yes. I feel there is so much to say here that I can’t possibly post it all without it being..well.. a post! *lol*
I was not a pumping mom. So I never made that comparison. Yes, it’s passive for the cow..but that’s because the cow is being encroached upon and stolen from…therefore it’s not the same anyway. No comparison. It’s like comparing humans and cows!
But nursing itself.. I see a bit of difference. We’re all mammals. We all care for and love our children (thus the instances of cows “going crazy” and killing their owners because they were fed up with their babies being stolen from them so that ‘we’ can steal the milk of their young.) Currently, we have a mama cat and 5 kittens. This mother adores her children. Nursing isn’t passive. Neither is it for the cow.
Do I compare myself to these mammals when it comes to nursing? Absolutely. They are a beautiful nursing creation just like me
Perhaps in your angst you might spare a thought for the plight of the cows, who are also lactating mother mammals like yourself. They don’t have it quite as good as you do.
Jess, I didn’t really feel angst-y (yeah – not a word – I know) when I wrote this. Did the post really come across that way?
I cannot argue that I don’t benefit from a lot of privilege to even be in a situation where this might come up as an issue to discuss. I’m aware of the fact that cows (and chickens and…) raised for human consumption “don’t have it quite as good as [I] you do.” I also happen to be in a privileged enough position to do some things about it. I’m trying to decide if you are telling me that there are More Important Things To Think About, sharing a personal concern you have or calling me out on my privilege. I suppose I’ll have to wait and see if you want to clarify for me.
I see your point, I do. When I have compared myself to a cow, I guess there is that one part that is irrefutable. You (my audience) may think cows (and me) are dumb, fat, stupid, docile, whatever (and I don’t care about that)….but you can’t deny the cows talent for producing milk – the quality that defines mammals – and mine is right up there too! I tend to think of dehumanizing breastfeeding as a good thing – like cows, and other mammals, its what we do, what we are. I particularly like a cartoon you may have seen where a cow is using a blanket to ‘cover up’ while feeding. Why does that even cross our minds?
Hi Linda – I have seen that cartoon. I believe that the cartoonist was using the cow to make a point about how silly it is to get all worked up about moms breastfeeding in public using the cows to pull people out of their mental rut. Nobody gets bent out of shape when other animals feed their young “in public” and by placing that blanket on a cow and having the bulls look put out it throws the attitude that women are different into stark relief for examination.
If I’m understanding my friend’s concern correctly I don’t think her concern is that the cow comparisons dehumanize breastfeeding. I think she believes they dehumanize women/mothers and that is why she doesn’t like them. I hadn’t looked at it from that perspective before talking to her but when she shared her thoughts I went “Hey! You are right!”
I do hate the bovine comparison, because, like you say, it is generally made as an insult. However, I do often compare myself to other mammals–dogs or cats–because I’m tandem nursing and I think my kids look like little pups or kittens at the breast. Or when I’m feeling particularly swarmed, I liken them to bees.
I jokingly (and in GOOD humor) refer to myself as a dairy cow when I’m pumping, but I’d NEVER make the comparison to or about someone else!
Funny that I make this comment WHILE pumping…
LOL!
Isn’t it great that you can?
I can’t say I generally like the comparison, but I live in a dairy-farming area so it’s hard to avoid it entirely – try sitting in the sunshine nursing your baby while calves drink from their mothers nearby – it’s hard not to feel a little affinity! That said, the comparison is probably a little different here, where cows are valuable assets (I’ve heard more than one story of a new mum left struggling at home while hubby tends to the needs of a struggling bovine mother). But when I’ve lived in cities, working with people who have never set foot on a farm and see cows as nothing more than meat, the cow comparison would make my slapping hand pretty damn twitchy!
Anyone ever compared themselves to a monkey? or a dog? or cat? how about a horse? pig?
I’ve compared my girls to monkeys. I’m actually the mamatree.
I prefer to use the term ” Milk Goddess” for a Mom with a good supply. I think it sounds more complementary. I also tell a Mom who is pumping for a little one in the NICU to be a ” Pumping Queen.”
Honestly? I’ve always inwardly cringed at the comparison, too. I never could quite my finger on it, but yeah. You capture it here.
I’d never thought of it negatively. One of my daughter’s favorite books was one about farms. She pointed out “mommy cow”, “daddy cow”, “baby brother cow”, “grandpa cow”, etc. She was quite fascinated by watching calves nurse “just like her brother” when we were at the state fair last summer. I found her calling me mommy cow adorable and now use it as a screen name for my blog. It’s certainly not meant to offend.
I guess I have mixed feelings on this. Mostly, I view the act of nursing one we do as mammals. Since the mammals known best for their milk production are cows, it seems natural that the comparison is made–especially since pumping is so similar to cow’s being pumped for their milk. Afterall, what other animal comes to mind when you think of a machine pumping milk out of a mammal? But in our culture, unlike other cultures, we do have negative connotations with cows, as you pointed out.
So my mixed feelings really are: Should we embrace the term to show the naturalness of the act or should we try to get away from the term in order to avoid negative connotations? I just don’t have a good answer.
In the breastfeeding class at the hospital I took many years ago, the woman leading the class told women to them of themselves as tigers who nurse their young. I think she was trying to give us a better image than that of the “dumb” cow who is just used for her milk.
Well, for me there is also a really large component of the UNnatural that comes into play as well since pumping moms aren’t compared to free-range cows but the factory dairy-farm versions that are mechanically milked.
I like that instructor you had. Her imagery might also have been an attempt to give moms an active animal to identify with that would defend her young like that mama bear we’re always calling upon.
I didn’t read the comments, so forgive me if I’m duplicating something, but here’s how I feel: a few weeks ago we took Kieran to a local dairy. He got to milk a cow and seen cows milked by a machine. A week or so later we were talking about it, and he said something about the cow “peeing.”
Ew.
I think I might have to reference your post in one of my own
You’ve definitely hit the highlights on why it’s ridiculous to be compared to bovines!
I haven’t made the comparison, that I can recall. I haven’t even really heard the comparison to speak of. Maybe because I don’t know many pumping moms? In Canada we have year-long maternity leaves, so pumping is much less common.
I will say that as a lactating woman I feel a sort of kinship with other lactating mammals that I didn’t before. When I visit a dairy farm and see cows ready to be milked, I feel that physical too-full sensation in sympathy. But this isn’t specific to cows, exactly.
I suppose, in the end, I agree that the comparison normalizes cow’s milk over breast milk. Much like the word ‘milk’ itself, which in our culture means, ‘a bottle of cow’s milk in the fridge’. We’ve given all things milk over to the bovine set, and that’s not really good.
I’m currently pumping for my second (and final) child. I have used the bovine reference more than a handful of times regarding myself and other pumping mamas that I know very well. Always as a compliment. I think cows are beautiful animals (not dumb, fat or lazy!) who provide nourishment for both their calves and some humans. Although some may find fault with the fact that the cow doesn’t CHOOSE to be milked for human consumption, to me it doesn’t negatively color the comparison. A nursing mama being “milked” by a pump is identical to a cow being “milked” by a machine. And if a pumping mama is very adept at it, why NOT compare her to an animal who excels at the very same task? They both are providing nourishment and being successful at it.
Although I don’t agree with the majority viewpoint expressed here, I can certainly appreciate that some portion of nursing mamas out there do not enjoy being compared to our bovine counterparts. As such, I will make an effort to refrain from using the analogy.